Not long ago, two of our Technicians, Gene and Dave, found a loaded pistol inside an air duct while doing a residential cleaning. Here is Gene’s report.

“In the beginning of the procedure, Dave cut a one-inch hole in the duct work. When withdrawing his drill bit, he saw that there was aluminum foil and shredded paper caught in the bit. Dave called it to my attention and said “Gee this is gonna be a dirty one.” Dave then cut a four-inch hole in a different part of the duct and noticed that objects were visible in the duct. He said it looked like it was more aluminum foil. He extracted several foil wrapped packages. Inside the packages were various documents including tax returns and what appeared to be copies of criminal records. We brought this to the attention of the customer and she assured us we could just leave it all on the table in the basement because she found it interesting and wanted to look through it.

I began brushing the interior of the ductwork as usual. As I did so, I noticed the brush did not seem to be rotating normally. I began retrieving my brush from the duct work and I could hear that something was definitely being dragged down the main trunk line. I pulled the brush out of the ductwork and saw the object, which was wrapped in insulation and masking tape. It was obvious from its shape that it was a handgun.

I immediately called it to my partner’s attention and then alerted the homeowner. She called the police and an officer arrived before we had finished the duct cleaning. The officer took the gun for disposal, along with the bullets it was loaded with.

We finished our work, thanked the customer and the officer and started our truck to embark on the next stage of our mission to save the world…one house at a time. Who knows what could be lying in your ductwork?” [end of Gene’s report]

Our Technicians have become pretty blase about things that are found in ductwork. Nobody seems to be surprised anymore. That’s understandable, though. Here’s a partial list combed from our records: soiled diapers, two diamond rings, magazines hidden away by teenage boys, diaries written by teenage girls, used hypodermic needles, immigration papers, and lots of money. The money thing is pretty amazing. We have found Pesos, Rubles, Francs, Yen, Kroner, Duetchmarks, Lira, Confederate Dollars, over a trillion dollars in play money and, once, $8,000 in coins. Apparently, lots of people who want to hide things think of an air duct as a likely spot. Dixie cups, beer cans and the occasional builder’s lunch don’t even raise an eyebrow. Our owner, Mike, has a personal favorite, though. A brand new clarinet in the case. The home owner couldn’t wait to confront her son with the long lost instrument. She kept mumbling something about “all those payments…”